Escalation

The glinting metal of lines in motion,

A foot two steps apart.

Slow creeping cycles,

Shadows grow,

And eat the shoes.

Then heart.

Hand on plastic rail.

This is all there is.

This climb.

This shit.

This curling trip,

Lazy artless lift. 

Your feet frozen in fear,

Electrically carried on.

Cogs in mechanisms,

Built on corpse owned land.  

A silver spoon in your pocket.

Elitist whips across your back.

You starve for shiny metals,

And the latest iPhone app. 

Puppet child,

Strings in claws - 

Trademark manicure.

Bourgeois bit,

Saddled debt.

Contract sofa bliss. 

Born from dust,

Coughed through life.

Asthmatic wheezing drone.

Settled from your parents death - 

Forged in broken homes.

You move,

You grow,

You stay the same. 

Step-by-step breakdown. 

Then one at a time you're lain to rest.

Tetris.

Robot urn. 

Spectrum

You waited softly,

In the blue,

Indigo azure. 

You saved your breaths;

Pink faced,

Through sweat -

Desperate to get more. 

Purple knuckles,

Gripped the rain.

Danced softly 'til the sun.

The blue returned.

The colors swirled.

Screaming,

Empty,

Numb.

Your cheeks a hue,

Of grassy plains.

Peeling citrus lids.

Bloody sockets.

Vein spread skin.

Pulsating, baron ribs. 

Violent fury, 

Normalcy - 

Phenomenally queer.

The bizarre shift,

Refraction,

Bliss.

'Am I alone up here?'

The clouds of doubt,

That smother me,

When you fog through my sky. 

Writhe in every shade of day -

And bring my fears to light. 

Optically,

You elude me.

Even when you're clear.

At your end there lies no gold.

Just beauty.

Liquid -

Air. 

Head

It started small,

Puppy kisses,

Lapping gently at your toes; 

Giving you encouragement -

'Go on',

'Jump in',

'It's not cold'. 

At the beginning, 

You maybe thought,

The waves gave you an edge.

People saw them swell and thought - 

She's raging,

Crazy;

Dead. 

You wore them on your shoulders see,

A scarf to fight the chill.

Your sleeves awash with angry marks,

Sawed dust amidst the mill. 

The waves they whimpered when you left,

They screamed to call you back,

They were a womb without a babe,

Mad without a hat. 

You thrashed,

You fought, 

But then you fell.

Coiling like a snake.

Into the water,

Gasping mess.

No lifeboat,

No life left.

The waves were crushing.

They ate your hate.

Grew mighty from the feast you made.

Drowning slowly,

Sad lost girl.

Choking back the salt.

Tears an ocean,

Blood a stream.

Angry jealous thought. 

Eventually the storm does calm.

Leaving you to rest.

But it returns.

That laughing surf;

Devours you once again. 

Grunge

I'm an out of work ex-introvert in a tired plaid shirt, with frayed seams and sewed sleeves, and someone else's insignia; on the wash-raped collar crease. Care instructions, Parental guide: Tag. Now I'm it. Faded fear, Adrenal gland: Foe. Had to win. Spin me on cold. Don't forget to fold, love. Lest your careless hold, Smooths me a scared straight curve. I'm a relentless complaint sheet, A thousand qualm army. Mortality, apparently, irrelevant to my infantry. Attention, please avoid mention, Of the punch-out final, deadline joke entitled; The healthcare commission. We're out of funds, Budget cuts: Closed. Stubs thrashing. Slice through septic limbs, Lack of heart: Shows. Pulse stagnant. Let me breathe. It screamed at me, love. Now that the curtains've closed, And all we have is blank. I'm a chemical cocktail mixed the wrong way, Etched with lead, Lead astray, Rays of ex, Ash tray veins. Bleeding limbs sing for thee. This cut's dear; The rest the letter. Hey. Fella. Beat me to death; Please. Then kiss me better. I'm diagnosed. Don't you know: Fuck. Suck this venom out. 'There's no saving her.' Don't mourn though: For, I never deserved us. Through these tortured tears. I am still your, love. There is no bitter thought. But also there's no fight. Love. Did I wear the frayed shirt because it reminds me of you? The pattern on the cuff, scuffed stuff across it too. Hardly in fashion, Hardly well groomed, Hardly turning heads as it walks across a room. This plaid is my armour. This smile my disguise. You were my protector. Why I was still alive. I'm an unemployed broken toy with no tape left to fix. I've failed suicide a thousand times, and shame like that it sticks. I long for blades to rip my skin, I pray for a bus crash. To slash and thrash, trade cash for hash. Curse the world as it goes, by. The voices increase. Please priest, let me sleep. At least make them cease, So I can iron out the crease, On my brow. On my shirt. And in me. Don't cry at the blood, As it seeps through the check. I'm blessed. For the ache trapped in my heart is, love. And it will never let me rest.

Stained

The laundry room was silent,

With soft spinning dreams,

Of me wrapped round your shoulders;

Muffling your screams.

Your eyes were vacant dime slots,

Comfort-soft ice cream.

Lullabies on Eco spin;

The demons in them mean.

I watched you as my cycle ran,

Your blood came squeaky clean,

I caught it with my colour guard,

Satan's satin stain.

Your pulse cut out.

You drained away.

Innocent, it seemed.

A lonely sock.

Forgotten rag.

Anonymity redeemed.

A filthy pipe dream in delicates,

To tongue your skin pristine.

I'm a dirty little scrubber girl.

Thirsty, raw, too keen.

And just like you I'm wearing thin,

My strength has decomposed,

I'm fading fast,

Please run my love. 

I'm hungry,

Sick;

A ghost. 

My soul is stuck dear laundromat,

You trapped me when you closed.

Now I just watch the dryer spin;

And wait here for my clothes. 

ma douleur implacable

'Go to sleep'
The nightmare hushed.
La lune, she wept for me,

A rough hand.
A harsh touch.
A muffled, helpless scream.

A wake held beneath a thousand stars,
To mourn for my identity.
It slipped away between my legs,
As you jabbed into me.

My gasps unheard.
Tear drenched lust,
How cruel a man can be.

A grunted coo.
A gruff drunk kiss.
A desperate whimpering plea.

Ripped leather began our tryst,
Unwilling dead-spread knees.
Body numb to infiltration,
Limp limbs rearranged with ease.

A rag doll I was beneath your frame,
Your words still churn my guts.
'Amore' no more,
Its you I abhor;
with your grotesque sickening hush.

'Baby please.'
'Just go to sleep'
'Then it will all just seem like a dream'.

I tried to swallow your advice,
And drift to safe naive rest.
I hid behind my tight shut lids,
But I could not ignore being undressed.

The more I begged,
That you let me die,
The louder you started to moan.

A rhythmic growl.
A sweat-stained girl.
A tragic symphony; 'help, please, don't'.

Were you ignorant to my revulsion?
Or was that what you wanted all along?
Was I the first victim of your destruction?
You knew you were doing wrong.

Even now as I lay with a man I trust,
You're right there next to us.
As you came your wet words hissed,
Delusional declarations of love.

When he says it I hear your voice.
When he holds me I feel your clutch.
You are there in my dreams,
And I weep,
And I scream,
And cringe away from his touch.

I exhaled the last breath of the girl I was,
that night in the Parisian air.
So a vacuum was forged,
Where nothing belonged,

Not sex,

Nor tequila,

Nor drugs.

You're a monster, monsieur.
The cruel thief of pride.
But there are scabs on the lesions you left.

I am sorry for her,
The her I was then,
Because she never deserved what you did.

You fucked her away.
She was killed by your rape.
All that I've left is a husk.

Yet my chipped china can be glued back together,
If the artist is patient and kind,
And with each day that breaks,
A detail's erased,
And I am beginning to be glad I survived.

Vines

The night took control like a glitch surging across a power board. I was lost. Fried. Fused. The black swelled around me; the dry breast of a perverted vulture come to devour my corpse. There was a glint to the dark, a twinkling crystal blood to the pulsating onyx organ. It ran through that night unseen by mortal eyes only gazed upon maternally by stars and the Angels that screamed within them. The feathers scorched from their wings long ago they willingly withheld the flame; they found pleasure in the pain - this was both their punishment and their reward. The glitter that seeped through the earth's night was their cum, their tears; their death. Was it my death also? 

The feathers that dissolved from their arching limbs began to prickle at my skin. They teased at first, bath bombs trapped beneath warm steeped limbs. But they grew lustrous and stabbed through me. Needle after needle poked through my skin until the golden wings began to mold. They grew corrosive and stagnant. I jumped for the sky, clawed at its impossible edges. 

But I only fell. Down and down I twisted. My lungs froze in my chest; weeping lashes appeared like desperate piss across unsuspecting snow. My eyes burst within my sockets. The dark exploded across me completely like a proud firework display. My brain stem was the glorious finale that sent my flesh away in a glistening macabre mist. Ooh. Ahh. Then black. Time to go home. 

Where is home now? I have fallen for so long the pain of my destruction is fading, becoming familiar. I welcome the sting. My home is my body, this pain is my lover. I yearn for this death. I crave it. Soon I start to rub against the needles in my skin, scrape and scrape headless thus thoughtless. I carve my begging across my skin; 'more, please'. And I stop falling. The spines calm. 

Then we are rocking rhythmically together, and I am rising like a rouge balloon, shooting into the sky like a Pegasus. Blood is my liquor and my wounds are my masters. I feel heat unlike anything I've ever felt before and as I reach a climax so high that I can not feel the stomach acid pouring from my gashed torso, or the hug of ruby sinew encrusted barbed wire; I shed a tear. 

For I see a man below me being consumed by a twinkling black claw. He smiles his final smile, eyes flash metals of the burnt spoon twitching in his hand. Flecks of red rain down as his pupils blow and he evacuates his bowels. That man is me. I am the angel that seeps onto his grave. The restraints begin to rub again; my body seizes as my cock rises; and I realise only this level of intensity could make the kind stars smile on our dark, dark world.